I’ve been with Google for a bit more than a year now.  Where did all the time go?  I’m not entirely sure, but I’ve renewed the lease on my apartment so I can finally go for a year without moving.  Which is really nice – I’m finally decorating the place a bit and it feels more like a proper home.

Reflecting on recent events, I don’t think you could sit the me of a few years ago down and tell me where I’d be at this time in my life.  Living in the United States, owning a car, working for Google, all that.  Oh, and I can’t forget managing globally distributed systems which make the build system I worked on at Relic insignificant by comparison.  The tech, the scale, the complexity and elegance of everything is just mind-boggling and many mornings I wake up still feeling incredulous about where my lot in life has taken me.  I’m very fortunate.

The biggest thing I didn’t expect was that I’d be forced to learn to go with the flow, to choose my battles, by virtue of not having enough energy to do otherwise.  I’ve struggled to learn to prioritize and ration my energy to make it through the day. This all began when a routine physical and blood screen detected elevated compounds in my blood, leading to diagnosis of a condition causing me fatigue, mental fogginess, lethargy, the works.  Throughout this, I became intimately familiar with the spoon metaphor. Also, there were plenty of days where I was basically a zombie – physically present but not contributing much of anything mentally.

That was finally dealt with this week, conclusively, via surgery, and already I notice a huge improvement. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m beginning to have energy again. Today I was able to do whatever I wanted without feeling pressed to ration my energy and ensure I can make it through the day. I’m tired right now, but it’s the kind of tired caused by my body being physically worn out. Once I’ve finished recovering from surgery I hope to get right back to the gym, right back into cycling to work, and shed the weight I’ve gained this year.  Now that my mind is rapidly coming back into order, getting the rest of me into shape ought to be easy by comparison. Right?